Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Me's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
6:55 pm	umm....numerous words I apologise profusely for the previous entry.....I am the said cunt, not thom....so yeah....feel free to throw things at me Current Mood: apologetic Current Music: Gluey Porch Treatments, The Melvins (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
6:04 pm	RIGHTEOUS!!!! RIGHTEOUS!!! LIKE WOOOOAH...LIKE WOOOOAH...LIKE WOAH Why hello again, my faithful band of imaginary people.....how are you on this bright and beautiful day? *stops trying to make conversation with the imaginary people*.....I haven't updated in a while cos I haven't really had anything to say....to be quite honest I haven't got anything to say now....but I thought it might be fun to ramble on for a bit whilst waiting for non-existant people to come online and converse with me....but yes...anyway....that spider man entry.....very interesting, no?....No?....ok then...no. *starts singing* I WAAAANT TO BE.....ANARCHY......OH I WANT TO BEEEE ANARCHY........GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.....DURRRN DURN DURN....THE FASCIST....SOMETHING *REGIME?* ......NOOOO FUTTTURE....NOOO FUTURE.......WE'RE SO PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY.....ok that was my sex pistols medley....I think that deserves some applause *waits*.......how rude.......oh look....pen!! *starts becoming hypnotised by beauty of the pen that has haunted her dreams for SO LONG*......I WANNNNT TO BE.....ANARCHY.......ummmm....yeah (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 19th, 2004
12:09 pm	.... And nowI'm standing in your doorway...I was always standing in your doorway... And the award for the worst script in the history of film production goes to: SPIDERMAN 2!! *well done, this is a massive acheivement* Oh MY GOD *oh I'm sorry, that too sacreligious for you?.....OH MY DAYS!*. Well, if you hadn't realised already from the above, I had the 'honour' *has violent coughing fit* of viewing Spiderman 2 the other day......it was bad enough anyway....cos we'd be hoping to see Shrek....but oh no....it was SOLD OUT....but then we had the further indignity of having to choose from a list of quite honestly....crappy.....films...including 'Thunderbirds' *oh yes* .....I know it's slightly...assuming.....to call these films crappy...seeing as I haven't actually seen them.....for all I know the Thunderbirds film is the best motion picture of all time.....*ah hem* But yes anyways....we decided that Spiderman looked the least offensive out of the choice, so we brought the tickets unaware that the worst man-made atrocity of the 21st century awaited us in Screen 9 *tense music starts playing*....or maybe it was screen 8....I can't quite remember..... Ok...I'm being slightly dramatic here....I mean come on, I'd just had a major disappointment....Everything was going to look crap compared to Shrek....I mean it's Shrek we're talking about.....SHREK! *yes...shrek*....it wasn't that bad....the action scenes were good....and Toby Maguire possessed a certain amont of attractiveness.......*except when he was trying to stop the run-away train....* It's just the script was so cliched and a good proportion of it was sentimental american crap. In my own terms 'sentimental american crap' is defined as characters making prolonged 'speeches' in what started out as a perfectly normal conversation....generally, they use countless cliches and make the audience want to cringe *well they make me want to cringe anyway......obviously I have no heart*. The main culprit in Spiderman was the grandmother......seriously.....she and Peter *spiderman* were having a perfectly normal conversation and suddenly she was going on about heroes....I can't remember the exact words.....but it obviously affected Peter cos he looked on the verge of tears.....I was on the verge of tears as well *but not for the same reason* Another thing that really irritated me was how Peter acted around that Mary Jane person....I mean as soon as he saw her, his eyes misted over and he started spouting poetry at her *literally at times*.....and she was just as bad.....at the end 'I love you and now I'm standing in your doorway.....I was always standing in your doorway'....what the FUCK?! I know it's supposed to be a metaphor.....but it's a crappy metaphor.....oh yeah...and whenever any characters in the film kissed we were always given a FULL close up.....for longer than strictly necessary......even when the grandmother kissed Peter's cheek we got a close up.....Thank you so much...^_^ Oh...and the thing that really made me cringe were the expressions on Peter's face when he was trying to save this runaway train that was just about to run over the edge of the bridge......he looked like he had an extremely bad and painful case of constipation.....they must have had to pay him extra just for that scene....most undignified. Some parts of it were also very unbelievable*I mean fair enough, we're talking about a film involving a guy who has the ability to shoot webs out of his hands and climb up walls without the aid of some...climbing device...which would probably not occur in real life, but this was pushing it a bit*....for instance...theres a part where he saves this little girl from a burning building *how convenient*....and as he's making his way downstairs with the little girl the floor collapses and he's left hanging onto one of the boards. The little girl *who looks about 3 years old at the most* manages to pull him up.....WHAT THE FUCK!?....she didn't even seem to try......oh, I get it......the courage that the little girl showed during the traumatising situation must have given him the strength to go on....*ah yes...I think I could write scripts for these films*.....or maybe the little girl had supernatural powers as well........maybe. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 17th, 2004
5:45 pm	'Hey! What am I?!..Umm...Stupid?....NO! I'M TEXAS!!..Whats the difference? *mad hysterical laughter* HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO...HOW ARE YOU? THANK YOU, THANK YOU, I AM FINE, AND I HOPE THAT YOU ARE TOO *TAKES DEEP BREATH*....ANNNNNND.....HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?, I CANNOT THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY IN THIS JOURNAL ENTRY...SO I AM SINGING TOO.....DOO DOO DOO DOO DO DOOOOOO.....You must have seen the singing unicorns.... (Comment on this)
Friday, July 16th, 2004
12:03 pm	I'M A ZOOLOGY DRAGON, I DRIVE AROUND IN MY DRAGON WAGON.... .....I INVENT ANIMALS MADE OF CUBES.....*ALL TOGETHER NOW* COW, CUBE.....COWWUBE....COW....CUBE.....COWWUBE!!! I'M THE ZOOLOGY DRAGON, MAKING ANIMALS IS MY PASSION....I MADE THE ELEPHANT AND THE DONKEY....BUT BE CAREFUL COS THEY HAVE.....INFINITE DENSITY....COW CUBE COWWUBE,COW, CUBE....COWWUBE!!! Go to www.rathergood.com....tis rather good.....funnily enough. I'm having what one might call a 'Bad hair day'....LITERALLY....my hair won't stay down and it's really starting to irritate me.....you know if somebody brought me a whole lot of sugared objects and fed them to me on a drip I may well get hyper enough to shave it all off *sits*........*waits*.......that would be really funny wouldn't it?.....if I shaved all my hair off........it'd be what one might refer to as a 'classic moment'.....you know....you could tell your grandchildren 'I remember when we attached my friend to a sugar drip and watched her shave all her hair off......'......now all I need is sugar *looks hopeful* anyone have any sugar??...please.....I'd shave all my hair off......oh, and I'd even throw myself down the stairs......FOR FREE...... By the way Melina...did you text MTV2 the other day....it's just that on the bottom of the screen was a deranged individual who apparantly enjoyed 'poking badgers with spoons'....now...as I'm sure this *ah hem* habit isn't.....common.....I can only assume it was you...I'M RIGHT, AREN'T I??....AREN'T I?! (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 15th, 2004
1:46 pm	'He'll rip your face off and shove it up your asshole......' 'What a lovely turn of phrase.....I can hardly wait to make his aquaintance.....' I have too much free time on my hands...... OH MY DAYS! Ummm....what was I going to say.....what is the phrase 'OH MY DAYS' all about anyway??...I just don't get it.....is it supposed to be an alternative to 'OH MY GOD'? Like a less blasphemous alternative or something? Somehow I doubt that since the people who frequently use the expression are most usually anti-christs *i.e-pikeys* who sin by just being themselves....in fact every time they breathe they expel a little more hope from the world.....so not only are they practically the reason for the demise of Jesus Christ...they are also solely to blame for the 'Greenhouse Effect'......people say it's exhaust fumes.....but WHERES THE LOGIC IN THAT???!!! Oh and they blame cancer on 'carcinogens' but thats pikeys too.......world poverty?....pikeys......Evil dictators???.....all spawned off PIKEYS...major oil spills? PIKEYS......DEFORESTATION? THATS FUCKING PIKEYS TOO *shakes with anger* GOD DAMN THEM STEALING OUR TREES.......GOD DAMN THEM!!! what did the trees ever do to them? HUH? HUH?!!!.....they just stood there, harming no-one, housing a wealth of interesting species......supplying us with oxygen.....and what to do they do??? they fucking tear them down....well thats FUCKING gratitude for you isn't it? isn't it just FUCKING gratitude of the third kind?! *controls self* Ok.....I'm calm......calm.....*breathing returns to normal*.....calm.....I'm floating in the ocean.....I'm a tree....swaying in the......TREES.....FUCKING NO GOOD PIKEYS CUTTING DOWN OUR TREES....HOW WOULD THEY LIKE IT IF WE DECIDED WE NEEDED THEM TO POWER OUR USELESS, ELECTRICAL CONSUMER GOODS.....HOW WOULD THEY FUCKING.......calm.....calm.......*regains composure*........I am a....a.....bird....a turtle dove.....spreading my wings and flying......FLYING......FLYING *mad hysterical laughter*..........UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN MY FRIENDS...... Current Music: Please Kill Me by Amen (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
1:37 pm	I WANT TO BE PART REPTAR TOO!!!....You can be reptar's butt.......OK!!!! Christ Almighty *never said that in my life....*note to self*:Say 'Christ Almighty' more often....or not* I've been watching too much children's TV....I watched Rugrats this morning *hence the title*.... CHRIST ALMIGHTY!!! I was reading Melina's journal.....hmmmmm....everyone seems pretty depressed......Thom sent me a message yesterday *see yesterdays entry*. I wasn't sure whether it was supposed to be a compliment or an insult....he called me 'arrogant' and 'opinionated'.....I reckon thats got to be a compliment..... Today I cleaned shoes with SHOE POLISH *which made it slightly more interesting....and therefore more acceptable*, then I cleaned the hair-brushes in the sink with AMMONIA....that wasn't so fun....cos if you breathe ammonia in it makes you cough.....so that wasn't as good as the SHOES and the SHOE POLISH....that was just good *stares vacantly into space*...whilst my mother helped me in the difficult task of 'cleaning the hairbrushes' I told her of the book I had been reading 'A child called It' *charming little story* where the boy's mother fills the sink with ammonia and locks him in the bathroom in a 'homemade gas chamber' where he proceeds to choke on the fumes....my mother thought I was implying that she was trying to kill me and started getting extremely defensive....that either means she was offended at my hint of her homicidal tendencies or she really IS trying to kill me, and is worried that I know of her evil plot.....I think that might be quite feasible actually, cos afterwards she tried changing the subject by telling me the 'Brief history of ammonia'....apparantly they can only sell it in specialised shops now, because people used to throw it in their victims faces to blind them when they were intent on robbing from/raping or murdering that person.....interesting little fact there...no? SWEET MOTHER OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN....I saw the two ultimate 'RUUUUDE BOYS' at Great Hollands shops today *my mother had to go there to get AMMONIA* Jack Harrington and that other guy....you know....the one who *from the back.....and kinda from the front as well* looked like a worm.....he always reminded me of 'Earthworm Jim'.....you know the super-hero....who just so happened to be a worm....you all remember that don't you? I even remember the theme tune.....EARTH WORM JIM! HE ROCKETS THROUGH THE SKY....EARTHWORM JIM! HE LIKES TO EAT SOME PIE!....I made the last line up...but still......I remembered the first two lines.....I am just so cool. Yeah well anyway, back to my original train of thought.....Lee Martin.....thats his name......was there as well, and I'm sure as hell he was taking a piss behind the doctor surgery sign......not that I was looking.....I mean he was standing behind it.....but he had his hands in the right position....and he looked kinda 'concentrated'......and 'involved'.......he could have been.....*stops thinking of possibilities*.......thats just wrong..... Yeah....well anyways..... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
12:02 pm	I'd hate you even if I didn't hate you.....well I'd hate you even if that made sense.... ...Well I'd hate you even if you were me, that shows how much I hate you.....I watched Spongebob Squarepants this morning......can you tell? I watched Ren and Stimpy last night....it's extremely disturbing...I remember watching it when I was but a child and for some reason it disturbs me more now than it did then....I don't reckon it's really for children......it's really quite foul...and some of the humour is quite....suspect.....like they had to live in this rotting whale carcass....and yeah.....interesting....I like it though, it's funny!! FUNNNNNNNY!! I deleted my 'Degrading myself in the name of boredom' entry because I was ashamed at how stupid I sounded....I was talking about cake.....and I said fuck a lot....I don't even remember writing half of it....worrying :-s (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 12th, 2004
12:59 pm	'What could be better than serving up smiles???'.........'Being DEAD!!!' My sister is such a *thinks of right word to describe the overall RETARD-NESS and SPASTICATED-NESS of sister*.........WEIRDO......This morning we were watching 'scuzz' (you know...the music channel which plays 'alternative' music.....like Avril FUCKING Lavigne) and they had this interview thing with Amen.....and Amen means Casey Choas which means.........*stares into space vacantly*.........*makes noise similar to Homer Simpson in presence of food*.......ok...many people would disagree and say he looks like an uglier version of Robbie Williams.....with bizarre hair and even more bizarre facial hair.....but I disagree with those people who disagree.....so what if he looks like a 'demented furby'........FROM NOW ON FURBIES ARE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE BEINGS KNOWN TO MAN........*coughs*........or not. Well anyways I was minding my own business, throwing a total fit because Casey Chaos was on the screen.....when my sister *oh evil one of DOOOOOM* decided to make it apparant that the sight of Casey Choas made her feel 'physically sick' *ok well he wasn't looking his best.....I mean......MAYBE it looked like he'd dipped his head in a deep fat fryer....and MAYBE the unexplained scab on his forehead wasn't the most attractive of sights.....but still.......CASEY CHAOS!!!* .....I can't believe my sister, shes such a bitch....OH MY DAYS!!! The new Cornetto advert scares me.....I thought the other one was KINDA funny.....cos the woman was all like 'I'M A MAN'....and it sounded funny and amusing......and HAHA!!!....but it got old after a while....'I'M A MAN' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *CHOKES ON OWN SALIVA AND DIES*......'I'M A MAN'.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *SPITS OUT WHATEVER IS IN MOUTH AT TIME*.......'I'M A MAN'.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....'I'M A MAN' hahaha....I find that quite amusing......'I'M A MAN'.....*amused smile*.....'I'M A MAN'....*blank look*.......I'M A MAN *AAAARRRGGGH....NOT THIS FUCKING ADVERT AGAIN....*CHARGES AT TV, CHOKES ON OWN SALIVA AND DIES*......and that my friends is the life cycle of the laugh......yeah but anyway, that old man and the red haired woman and the imminent 'spanking'....and the sound of the spanking taking place....on the OLD MAN.....BY THE RED HAIRED WOMAN......FOR A SMALL ICE CREAM......it's just WRONG I say! Current Mood: Pissed OFF Current Music: John Wayne was a Nazi by MDC (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 11th, 2004
4:52 pm	Oh and by the way if you see your mother next weekend be sure to tell her...SATAN SATAN SATAN! If we get bored....WE'LL MOVE TO CALIFORRRRRNIAAAAA *makes sound like guitar being shredded* Yes, I was not amused yesterday....I thought livejournal had decided to suspend my journal like those blurty bastards whom I will loathe and detest forever and ever (and ever and ever....and ever) cos I wrote an entry *the one where I was talking about the clown's lack of effort in the slipknot video* and I saved it....but when I went to preview it....IT WASN'T THERE *tense music starts playing* I was so angry, espeicially when I saved a number of incomprehensible entries (aaargh....hmmm....ayyy?) and they still wouldn't come up on the preview.....I CANNOT DESCRIBE THE ANGER, IT WAS LIKE EVERYTHING I HAD EVER LOVED HAD BEEN TAKEN AWAY FROM ME AND THEN MUTILATED BEFORE MY VERY EYES....AND THEN MONKEYS WERE ALLOWED TO CLAW AND VIOLATE THE REMAINS, AND THEN JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE WAS ENCOURAGED TO PERFORM ONE OF HIS SICKENING DANCE ROUTINES ON THE REMAINS OF THE MONKEYS REMAINS AND......*coughs* well actually I wasn't really that bothered......I was just slightly annoyed....you know (THEN HITLER AROSE FROM THE DEAD, WHIPPED OUT HIS WEAPON OF IMPENDING DOOM AND PISSED ALL OVER THE MANGLED REMANENTS......BEFORE LAUGHING MANICALLY AND SCREECHING 'EIIIIN BIIIST FSFSFKJFFJKFSFKJSFSF' *loosely translated as* 'IN HELL MOLTEN RODS OF IRON PENETRATE MY EVERY ORIFICE....BUT IF I HAD THE CHOICE BETWEEN ENDING MY TORMENT AND PISSING ON THESE MONKEY-INTERFERED REMAINS......I'D PISS ON THE REMAINS...*MORE MANIC LAUGHTER*.....as you can see I'm as good as over it. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 10th, 2004
3:45 pm	I'M SO CURIOUS, AND I'M SO CURIOUS AND I'M SO CURIOUS AND I'VE GOT LASER EYES.....*HEY!* I've got laser eyes, and I know what you're thinking...comes as no surprise.....christmas lights are blinking.....I'm so curious and I'm so curious and I'm so curious and I've got laser eyes.....*HEY!*.....ahhh, those sock puppets.....they do make me laugh. Anyways today I went to town to search for a worthy birthday present for Jenny and Danielle.....I was slightly hyper during the search *and had my somewhat....inventive....little sister with me* so ummmm.....well......I hope Danielle likes buttons and extremely conspicuous shades of orange......*coughs* Oh and I brought the Slipknot single cos I rule....my sister tried to stop me....but I went right onto that counter and brought it with pride.....oh yes.....WITH PRIDE!!!....*just like the time I brought the rasmus single* ALL TOGETHER NOW!!!! ......I PUSH MY FINGERS INTO MY EYYYYYYESSS.....IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT....BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHH....BUT IT'S MADE OF ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO TAKE....IF THE PAIN GOES RAAAAAAAARRRRR......*SOUND OF CLOWN HITTING BASEBALL BAT ON CAN* I'm sure as hell thats all the clown does on that video..... (Comment on this)
Friday, July 9th, 2004
10:36 am	You know what would be really stupid? Rage against the machine acoustic sets......Yeah anyways, on the subject of music I wish to state my total and utter confusion, discombobulation and confuzzlement over the band Akercocke.....one word.....EH???.....I listened to this song called 'Leviathan' by them ages ago cos it was on this metal hammer cd...and as I had heard about their 'satanic sympathies' I was interested to hear them *as you do with anything involving satan* ok....the beginning of the song was alright....it sounded kinda like Moonspell *which can only be a good thing.........and I remember thinking 'this is supposed to instigate Hell on earth*because thats what the lead singer person had said he wished to do*....yeah whatever....I've heard Limp Bizkit songs heavier than this?' ....so, I was listening along, minding my own business when suddenly 'ROOOOOOOAAAAAR *number of other demonic sounding noises*.....OOOOAAAAR, etc, etc.....'OH MY GOD!!!' *turns off stereo and retreats to bed shaking like a dog in a blender*....what the fuck??? Then yesterday I got the 'Golden Gods' Metal Hammer CD.....another Akercocke song.....hmmm 'Enraptured by evil'....sounds intriguing *places in CD player* GUUUUUUURRRR CCCCCCCRRRRRU PFFFFFFFT *sound not unlike a gargoyle clearing it's throat*......*stands frozen to spot listening to demonic onslaught with look of total confusion and bewilderment on face*......again, and may I stress.....WHAT THE FUUUUCK???!!! Ok, I know for a fact that at the time Akercocke's album came out all the 'alternative music' magazines were like 'OH MY GOD!!! Akercocke RULE!!! Listen to this kids, Satan has the best tunes....innit??'*more general arse licking, etc, etc* .....number 1. How can anyone enjoy listening to what sounds like a satanic being with lung cancer? 2. How the fuck do a band like Akercocke get a record deal? and 3. How have they managed to brain-wash the 'alternative' media into thinking they are worth the arse licking they received?.....hmmm....if what the Jason Mendonca says is true a band of crazed winged monkeys will be breaking the barriers of Hell and Earth this very moment on a path of destruction and evil which will climax at my house......*sits*......*waits*........hmmm....no monkeys. I must admit however to finding Jason Mendonca's article thing in Metal Hammer amusing......mainly cos he described King Diamond as looking like a 'rabid badger'....which echoes my thoughts exactly. Jason Mendonca? hmmm....I bet thats a stage name....well the Mendonca part anyway.....it sounds too conveniently evil....'Yes I'm in a satanic metal band...and my name just so happens to be Jason Mendonca.....hahaha...how convenient'.....I bet his real name is something like Jason Lamb (of God)....or Jesus Sonogod.....or maybe he really is the spawn of Satan.....*sits*......*waits*.....no monkeys. What kind of name is Akercocke anyway.....it sounds like some sort of remote Welsh village to me.......*yes, we named our band after a village in Wales....but we iz still well satanic....innit mate?*.....sits.......waits........no monkeys...... (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 8th, 2004
2:45 pm	How many Nazis does it take to screw on a lightbulb? .....I'm not actually sure.....Anyways....ummmm....I'm still bored....my mother is still making me iron things......I went to the dentist this morning...so hey the FUN-O-METER is practically through the roof at the moment *well it would be in a parallel universe where the roof is actually the floor* .....well at least I don't have to go back to the dentist for another 6 months.....that can't be a bad thing......unless I was a masochist and actually liked people scraping things out of my teeth with a sharp instrument, which I'm not. Yeah, and the whole ironing thing is really starting to irritate me....I've ironed things over and over again since my mother decided to 'train' me.....I mean my sisters must be pretty lax when it comes to hygeine if their clothes have to washed and ironed as many times as they have been. I'm sure I've ironed my little sisters pyjama bottoms about 5 times in the past week.....I don't know, maybe I'm just getting delusional. They have bizarre looking cats on them, which just so happen to be blue. Before I know it I'll be having a recurring dream where I'm being chased by a giant iron whilst blue cats hide in the shadows frequently jumping out screaming 'IRON ME!!!'.....maybe......or maybe I'll just kill myself. Current Mood: Annoyed Current Music: Vamos by The Pixies (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
3:46 pm	INCEEEEEESSSSST Yeah....anyway....I'm really bored.....REALLY BORED.....I think I might kill myself *metaphorically of course* I've had two days of sixth form induction *joy to the FUCKING world* Basically we went in hoping to part the mists of confusion and came away generally even more discombobulated. Not much help me don't thinks. Anyways on the first day we had to do these so called 'team building activities' which basically meant we had to 'team up' with 'new' people *i.e- people we don't like* and rush around making fools of ourselves by doing bizarre activities such as 'building card castles'.......RELEVANT!! It was organised by Mr Walker and he generally rushed around getting WAY too excited *NOBODY should get excited by teenagers building card castles......but this rule applies even more strictly to 60 year old men*. Loads of upper sixth formers were 'running' the activities......which basically meant they were flirting with all the pikey girls and being all 'alright, mate' with the pikey boys....and generally ignoring/patronising anyone who didn't fit into that category. Me and Danielle *who were thankfully in the same group* got extremely worried about this sixth former *who had an abnormally square head and bizarre facial hair* who kept waving a piece of paper in our face whilst saying 'JOIN IN!!! JOIN IN!!!!'......twas a horrific experience. (Comment on this)
Monday, July 5th, 2004
10:58 am	...Whispered to my bleeding head.....YOU ARE THE SON OF A MOTHER FUCKER *one, two, three, four* Yo....Hum do ho...I had a series of extremely strange dreams last night....it's weird I usually only remember one dream every night.....but last night I basically had one every time I woke up from one and went back to sleep....although I can't actually remember where one dream ends and another one begins, they all kinda merge into one big ass weirdo dream. Ok...well one of them involved me and Helen....walking through some sort of redneck country....*sort of like a Deliverence scene....like at any moment a inbred redneck could jump out and....violate you*.....and we heard this really weird noise.....coming from this persons garage....and for some reason we went to have a look, because in the dream we were obviously suicidal or had some unhealthy wish to be violated. It was this dog, and it was barking....but not....cos the sounds coming out of it's mouth sounded more like some kind of lawnmower....or something....IT JUST WASN'T DOG LIKE YA KNOW???. Then it's owner came out and Helen and this person *who just so happened to be terminally obese and was the personification of the term 'redneck'* started having a conversation about the origins of the pentagram......or something.....they were talking about pentagrams anyway....and then suddenly I was at home, and my mum and sister were out.....and I had a kitten......and it was really cute...and I was like AWWWWW I HAVE A KITTEN......and then my mum and sister came back and they had a dog with them.......it was like a german shepard dog...and they said they'd found it and brought it home...and I was like DOG and KITTEN....SCORE!!! and then this weird cat came in...and it looked like it had had an incident on an electric chair....and I think it was flying....but I'm not sure. I had the kitten on my lap and it came over, and I thought it was going to hurt it.....so I called to my mum and she took the other cat out.....and I had the kitten.....and I was like YAY KITTEN, and it was like YAY LUSANA....and I was like YAY KITTEN.....and it was like YAY LUSANA.....well it didn't actually say that....but I'm sure it was inside it's brain........either that or 'FEEED ME'......most probably 'KILL, KILL, KILL!'....but I cannot read minds so I'm not sure. The next dream *well I think it was the next dream* was really dodgy....I dreamt I was having a bath......in my parents bathroom. I got out and for some reason my parents had a see through door and I almost shat myself cos I realised my dad had his friends round and I was like 'AAAARRRGH SEE THROUGH DOOR' and the see through door was like 'HHHHHAAAA I'M GOING TO EXPOSE YOU' and I was like 'AAAARGH'.....then I saw my dads friends walking past outside and I was like 'DON'T LOOK!!!'......about 5 of them went past......then suddenly I was outside *fully clothed thankfully* and they were all sitting out there.....one of them looked like Bob Marley....and another was extremely fit....and I was like 'woah...my dad has cool friends' *in reality my dads friends are weird old men who live in mobile homes*...sorry...thats a bit of a generalisation....ONE of my dads friends lives in a mobile home....the others are simply weird old men* ....and my dad had a go at me for making a fuss about the see through door...but Bob Marley and fit guy stood up for me and said that they could have walked right in and it was understandable that I had been all 'aaargh'....and that was the end of my dream.......I wish my dad really was friends with rastafarians...... Current Mood: confused Current Music: Nimrod's son by the Pixies (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 4th, 2004
2:52 pm	A chainsaw...what?....A chainsaw......what?.....A chainsaw.....what?.....A CHAINSAW YOU FOOL!! It's all about the he says, she says bullshit....talking that shit, think you better quit....or you'll be leaving with a fat lip.......hmmm wise words of wisdom there from Fred Durst.......what a tortured soul ^_^ I had a weird dream last night, well actually it wasn't that weird.....because it actually made sense. I don't remember much of it but basically I was reading Sheri's journal on the internet and she was writing it in the third person (i.e- Sheri went to bed, then sheri ate a cow)....this may sound strange, but it's not really because Sheri is a weirdo and often talks about herself in the third person....cos she's queer and peculiar.I have no idea what the dream meant.....probably something like 'YOU ARE SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ON THE INTERNET AND SHERI IS ODD FOR SPEAKING IN THIRD PERSON'......obviously. Anyway, I have had another boring day, nothing much has happened....I've been so bored that I've decided to get new hobbies.....last night I jumped on my bed and it was fun so I think that could be my new hobby.....although it may cause my family some disturbance *physically because it will disturb their tv viewing and mentally because for all they know I'm.......*thinks bad thoughts*. I think I may kill myself...... (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
2:29 pm	Extreme urges to listen to the Beatles.....hmmmmm Meh, I'm really bored.....and I'm going to continue being bored cos I have nothing to do and will have nothing to do for the forseeable future, except maybe eat endless amounts of sugar and sit in my bedroom staring into space.....Today has been pretty uneventful so far....I did my paper round this morning, and I got paranoid cos I thought that everyone I saw was thinking 'GET A PROPER JOB'...hmmmm, I should really start looking for a job, but I can't be arsed cos everyone else always gets all the good ones and one day I might get so depressed that I'll take the plunge and get a job in 'Burger King'....the day I do that will CONSEQUENTLY also be the day I die.....although working there might finally persuade me to become a vegatarian *from the sounds of it if you see how they make the food you lose the will to live* .......oh and Jenny says the chicken is yellow.....which doesn't sound so appetising really..... (Comment on this)
Friday, July 2nd, 2004
10:57 am	Defiling the innocent *WE RAPED BALAMORY..MWHAHAHA* Hmmm....that title sounds slightly more wrong than it should....oh well. I slept round Helen's on Wednesday night *that also sounds more wrong than it actually was.......we sat around all night eating sugar, OK?!* We spent much of the day watching childrens television and generally twisting it around in our minds till it was almost soft porn. I reckon some of it was actually. The most disturbing moment *and possible also the most amusing* was in 'Balamory'*starts singing* (WHATS THE STORY IN BALAMORY, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?? WHATS THE STORY IN BALAMORY, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GO?) For those not in the 'know' of childrens televison,  Balamory is a programme situated on a remote island just off the coast of Scotland. It involves a suspiciously happy *drugs, me thinks* nursery school teacher telling her pupils of the things that happen in to the residents of Balamory. The residents include a number of what one might say 'colourful' characters, such as- a policeman *who wouldn't look at all out of place in the 'Village People'* and a suspect inventor who just so happens to wear a kilt and live in a pink castle *and yes, he is male*. Anyways, in this particular episode, the policeman was proceeding to dance suggestively IN A WOOD with an OWL.....he was also singing a song which was probably meant to be 'innocent' and 'endearing' but came across as nothing other than DISTURBING. The policeman then met up with the inventor, who was having a dilemma. He had promised to take his small 'cousin' to a museum of the sciences in a 'big city' but he had forgotton the 'Greencross code' which rendered him totally unable to cross any road *however deserted it may be*. He believed that this would cause problems with his rendevous because he would not be able to cross the busy roads in the 'big city'. The policeman offered to 'help' with his 'predicament', this 'help' involved holding hands *how convenient* and crossing a completely deserted road, which looked as if it would be more fit for horse drawn carriages than cars *reality there for you my friends*.....the policeman and the inventor then proceeded to cross this road 3 times.....before the inventor finally decided he understood, but this was only after he had had the pleasure of holding the policemans hand for at least a minute. They appeared to both enjoy this immensly. *SUSPICIOUS, AY?* The inventor then made his intentions known by appearing 'worried' that he would not be able to cross the roads in a busy city *this is a grown man we're talking about....albeit a grown man in a kilt.......but still a grown man*. This was quite obviously a ploy to get more of the policemans attention. The policeman was eager however, and suggested that he go with the inventor to the big city to remind him of his 'Greencross code' *a sexual innuendo if I ever heard one* The inventor was more than a little happy about this and exclaimed with unaffected joy 'LETS COLLECT THE CHILDREN' *a hint that this kilted, pink becastled man, is not only gay but possibly also a paedophile.....this is childrens television my friends........CHILDRENS TELEVISION!!!*   The next scene was set in the supposedly 'big city' where our friends crossed another totally deserted road with extreme caution. They had the inventors 'cousins' with them, who just so happened to be extremely small children who looked as if they had no idea who the hell this man in a kilt was, or indeed the weirdo who *for some reason* was still in his police uniform, when the rendevous was clearly a leisure activity *he had an unhealthy attachment to his uniform me thinks*.The group then went to the science museum and pratted about on a giant keyboard for a while. The story then ended and the credits rolled.....showing disturbing images of a number of depraved individuals waving from multi-coloured castles.     ......no wonder there are so many problems in society Current Mood: amused Current Music: Float on by Modest Mouse (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
1:52 pm	The Sacred Art of Peeling Potatoes... Yeah I'm kinda screwed at the moment, cos since my GCSE's finished.....my mother has decided that she is going to 'train' (like some kind of trick monkey) me to clean the house and do random chores such as.....'scrubbing at non-existant stains in the bath' and 'taking things out of the washing machine* (god that was SO hard....I had to open the little door myself and everything ^_^). This morning she made me peel potatos.....why???....I don't reckon she even needs potatoes, she just wants to watch me suffer....theres probably a hidden camera around somewhere.......she's probably not even my mother......just some strange scientist who is experimenting on me to see how teenagers react in certain situations.....she's probably taking notes and everything.......*ahhh.....I am watching subject A right now, she seems to be struggling with even the simplest task of peeling vegetables.....her stupidity amazes me, etc, etc*.....yeah.....thats probably a bit far fetched.....but I mean who needs potatoes at 11:00 in the morning?? Well I got my REVEEENGE......I peeled the potatoes so they were as deformed as possible *without looking too obvious*....I concluded by the end...that one looked like an alien life-form...and the other looked a little like George W Bush *cough REDNECK cough*.....but yeah.....all the potato I wasted in that little experiment could probably feed about 100 hungry children in Africa...oh well. It didn't exactly work tho....she just continued to patronise me incessantly *WELL DONE, GOOD GIRL!'....yes...I can also fetch sticks. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 7th, 2004
8:53 pm	*~* ThE mEaNiNg oF LiFe*~* .....is 42. *laughs hysterically* god I am SO funny, I mean if there was anyone funnier than me they'd have a dire underwear shortage.....yeah...*hums to self*...well I haven't been online in a while because my computer kinda broke for a while, and I have my gcse's *joy to the world* and I kinda just didn't feel like coming online anyway cos I just....didn't. Yeah...and I was thinking of let my journal rot into the barren dusts of hyperspace but then I thought...no....why not update with a lot of random crap??? so thats what I'm doing...ok what shall I talk about....*looks around* hmmmm.......empty glass.....is the glass half full or half empty????.....well it's empty......how profound.Maybe the glass is a portal to a parallel universe.....yes....maybe....I can't be bothered.... *fucks off* (Comment on this)